I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It's official drugs can't kill me
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
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