She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
