he told me I talked like a deaf person
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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