I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
