you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
