tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Is it because I queefed?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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