yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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