A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
