YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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