i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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