I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
