Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
