wrigley field is MILF paradise
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
