Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
