After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Boobs are out for the taking
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
