miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
