I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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