I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
