Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
