Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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