Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
