I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
