Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
