But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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