i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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