i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I am mentally ready for anal.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
