Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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