brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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