I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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