Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
