Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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