i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
