Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
