I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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