Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
