Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
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