It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Randomize
