Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
