the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
