He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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