Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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