Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
