I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
