just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
