there was a trapeze. enough said
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
