Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
