...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
