I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
