How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
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