This is not my ceiling
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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