so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
