My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
