I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
